Sweet Surrender
by cherrydust
Summary: Wufei's changed Duo's whole outlook on life...and all Duo has to give him is himself


Sweet Surrender

            "Duo!"

            Duo whimpered softly to himself, running his hands through his loose hair. He was beginning to hate his name, hate the way it was said. Duo…no longer a name, but a harsh bitter sound spat out like something foul-tasting.

            "Duo!"

            Don't let him find me…don't let him touch me, please God. If You're really up there, God, please don't let him touch me! Duo begged inwardly, clasping his hands together and bowing his head as he rocked back and forth. His mouth opened and a prayer tumbled forth, "Please God, I'll be so good if You don't let him find me, please God, please…I've given so much pain and I've sinned-a lot, I know, but please, don't let him touch me! Please…"

            "Duo!"

            He'd been found. Slowly, very slowly, Duo's eyes opened and his hands fell apart and fluttered down to his waist. "Hello Heero," he whispered as his gaze floated up to meet Heero's.

            "Why were you hiding from me? *Again*?" Heero demanded, his eyes locking on Duo's and filling with hot white anger. No response, only a rebellious silence. "Answer me, damn you!"

            Duo looked up then and replied, very softly, "Fine. You wanna know *why* I hide from you? Because…" here his voice dropped below a whisper and Heero had to strain himself to hear. "I *hate* you." Heero's eyes darkened and before he could react, Duo went on in the same calm, quiet voice. "I hate who've you become. At least during the war you showed the potential of becoming human. But now…you're just a bitter, cynical *rock* and I hate it!"

            "Damn you," Heero replied, his eyes hard and dark pools of blue by now. "Damn you straight to God damn fucking hell!"

            "Don't touch me," Duo hissed, raising his hand and blocking Heero's rapidly moving hand. "I said don't touch me!" Duo repeated, louder this time, turning his body to avoid more attempts to hurt him."

            "I'll do whatever I damn well please," Heero snapped, finding his mark this time.

            "I hate you," Duo spat out, covering his eyes with his hands. He didn't want to see, he couldn't bear to see it happen again.

            It was happening again. He was sinking into a sea of blackness, a welcomed darkness where there was no pain, no reason to cry anymore. Was that his voice? It sounded strange to Duo as it floated down to his ears. "I hate you, Heero! Hate you!"

            No matter, it didn't mean anything anymore.

            It didn't mean anything at all.

::It doesn't mean much

It doesn't mean anything at all::

            "I need to get out of here," Duo whispered to the darkened room. "I'll go crazy if I stay here any longer." He stood up and took a long shaky breath, glancing around the dark room, taking in the shadowy shapes. His eyes lingered on the shadow that was Heero and for a moment, it seemed he would change his mind.

            But when he looked away, his jaw was set and his eyes were determined. It seemed looking at someone he loved-had loved-had only strengthened the resolution to leave. Duo slowly brushed off his clothing as if he were brushing the dirt of the place away from him. And then, he stepped out of the room.

            And never looked back.

::The life I've left behind me

Is a cold room

I've crossed the last line

From where I can't return::

            "I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm doing. I can only hope that I end up in the right place." Duo paused in his quiet plea and looked up to the clear blue sky. "And I won't even bother asking You to guide me. You left me to crumble at the hands of him. You left me when I needed You!" Duo shouted angrily up at the sky, waving his arms in frustration. He was beginning to attract stares from the people around him, but it didn't matter. "You let everyone I ever loved die. Solo…Sister Helen…the kids at the orphanage. I don't know why I ever believed. I don't believe in You and I don't believe in love and I don't believe in people!"

            Duo nodded, bitter tears stinging in his eyes, the tears a man cheated and hurt by life. "I don't believe in anything anymore…the only thing I've got now is myself." With this declaration stated, he gathered his dignity and wits to him.

            And then Duo Maxwell turned his back on the world.

::Where every step I took

In faith betrayed me

And led me from my home::

            "I wish I had a friend," Duo admitted to himself as he walked the long, busy streets of the city. What city? He didn't know. Everything and everyone slipped into faceless, nameless things that surrounded him. He was cold, alone, heartsick and lonely. The only thing Duo felt could save him now was some sort of renewal of his faith in God and mankind. But he looked around him with half-closed eyes and saw only the hatred and evil of the world…and completely missed the beauty.

            "I wish I could see one of the others," Duo continued speaking out loud to himself. "It'd be nice to see Quatre…I'd like to see if I could still make Trowa laugh…I want to see if Quatre and Zechs ever hooked up…I want to see Wufei. I'd like to see Wufei." Duo smiled briefly at the thought of his old comrade, "Hell, I'd *love* to see Wufei."

            "I'd love to see you too, Duo Maxwell."

            "Holy shit!" Duo cried, whirling around. He wasn't imagining things, was he? No, because beside him was a laughing Wufei, his eyes half-closed with laughter and hands reaching out to steady Duo. Apparently Duo'd been so caught up in his self-musings he'd missed the Chinese youth falling in step with him. "Oh my *God*, Wufei!" Duo cried, reaching out to grab the hands currently supporting him. Yes, they were real, Wufei was real, he was real… "Wufei!"

            "I think we've established that fact," Wufei remarked dryly. "Now, care to explain yourself?"

            "I…I've been searching," Duo replied lamely. Wufei said nothing, only gazed intently into his eyes with a critical look, finding nothing of what he hoped to find.

            "Come on. You look like you need a bath and something to eat. I'll take you home."

            Duo paused, watching in astonishment as Wufei started off ahead of him. His eyes blinked rapidly and he felt the first beginnings of change.

            "What are you waiting for? The Duo Maxwell *I* know never rejects a free meal."

            "Right. Coming, Wufei."

            Nothing felt more natural than those words falling from his lips and the smile they brought.

::And sweet surrender

Is all I have to give::

            Wufei never said a word about the past. Duo never revealed anything and Wufei let him have his secrets, sensing Duo had been deeply hurt by time and love and that only time and love could heal wounds they themselves had inflicted.

            So Wufei took him in quietly and swiftly, pressing whenever he thought Duo needed a push in the right direction and retreating whenever he thought Duo needed his space. They fought more than they ever had during the war and they were all the closer because of that.

            And best of all, in Duo's mind, he wasn't alone anymore. He'd always been alone it seemed, even when he was with Heero, even when he was at the orphanage. No one had ever really been able to open him up, discover his worst and best traits and still love him. And it seemed, no matter how many stupid and shocking things he revealed to Wufei as the months passed by, Wufei could find something humorous, admirable or something just plain Duo-ish in them. And although he didn't see it, his faith in people and God was slowly restoring.

            Wufei saw it. He saw the eyes of Duo slowly opening and seeing the beauty in life rather than just the dirt. Wufei was constantly aware of the fact Duo had grown up being trained to see only the wrong and that the war had done nothing to improve it. And Wufei worked to change that, trying his best to show Duo it was safe for him to care about people, that it was okay for him to put his trust in someone.

            It was only a matter of time before Wufei fell for him.

::You take me in

No questions asked

You strip away the ugliness

That surrounds me::

            Duo didn't want to fall in love with Wufei. He hadn't wanted to at all.

            But…how could he keep from loving someone who learned all his deepest, darkest secrets and never reacted more than slightly surprised at him? How could he keep pushing someone away who tried and successfully tore the blinders from his eyes so he could see what the world was really about? How could he not care about someone who could always make him laugh, someone who knew who to push his limits, someone who knew exactly how much and when he needed affection. It was impossible to keep anything from Wufei and it was less than a year after he found Wufei again, that he poured out his sorrows in the other boy's arms, along with a lifetime of unsheds tears.

            But Wufei never told Duo he loved him.

            And Duo never suspected someone like Wufei; someone with the honor and integrity, the knowledge and talents he possessed could love a common street rat like himself. And so, once again Duo cheated himself of love and was content only to hang on the outskirts of Wufei's life…if Wufei had let him.

::Are you an angel?

Am I already that gone?::

            "Wufei?"

            Wufei looked up, startled out of his intent reading. "Duo! What is it!"

            Duo flushed faintly as he glanced down at his hands. "Sorry, I always forget how involved you get in reading. Didn't mean to frighten you."

            "It's all right," Wufei assured the boy and sat his book down, folding his legs beneath him as he straightened up in his armchair. "What is it Duo?"

            "Nothing important…I was…I was just wondering…" Duo paused and wavered a moment as he picked at the loose strings on the blanket hanging over the couch. He looked up momentarily to see if those intent black eyes were watching him. They weren't, Wufei was purposefully cleaning his glasses. Duo let out a soft sigh of relief, it was hard for him to speak with those unreadable eyes on his own, always searching for *something*. "Why you care so much."

            "Care about what?" Wufei asked, setting his freshly cleansed glasses on his face.

            "Me. Why'd you take me in and why do you…why do you care about *me*?" Duo asked, his tone miserable with self-doubting.

            "Why? Duo, you great idiot, I love you." That declaration over with, Wufei picked up his book and prepared to resume reading. The effort was in vain however because Duo jumped to his feet and ripped the book out of his hands and threw it to the floor.

            "What did you say?" Duo demanded breathlessly, meeting the intense black eyes with his own violet ones. "What did you just say to me."

            "I said," Wufei replied drawing himself up formally. "I love you." And then, suddenly his arms were full of Duo as the American flung himself at the solemn youth. "Duo?" Wufei asked incredulously as he felt large tears fall from Duo's eyes and hit his skin.

            "Are you for real?" Duo sniffled out, clinging to Wufei.

            "I don't lie," Wufei, replied his arms hesitantly wrapping around the boy.

            "I'm not good enough for you," Duo told him, quite seriously. "The only thing I could ever give you is love. And you deserve-,"

            "You. I want *you* Duo. No one else, just *you*." Wufei's eyes lit up as he added, "You're more than enough for me."

            "Shut up," Duo ordered in soft voice, resting his head on Wufei's chest. "I love you. So much."

::I only hope that

I won't disappoint you

When I'm down here on my knees

Sweet surrender

Is all I have to give

Sweet surrender

Is all I have to give::

            Wufei was jealous.

            Unbelievable, but true.

            Chang Wufei was jealous with a capital J!

            He was jealous of *Heero* of all people.

            That would've sounded crazy to a lot of people. After all, wasn't Heero the one Duo had run from? But they never heard Duo speak of his memories during the war and the time after it, before his relationship with Heero had gone bad. They missed the light in Duo's eyes, they missed the affectionate tone in his voice, they missed the absent manner of Duo's kiss afterwards. They missed the tears lingering in Duo's eyes whenever he awoke from a nightmare to find Wufei comforting him. They missed everything Wufei saw.

            At first, he hadn't wanted to believe. But now…he believed. And he hurt so badly. All during the war, he had kept quiet when Heero's brusque coldness left Duo confused and hurting. He had never trespassed the boundaries of friendship despite the many times he had wanted to hold the weeping American. He'd never voiced complaint when Duo had announced his intentions to live with Heero after the war. And he'd never said a word when he'd heard, second-hand through the grapevine about the abusive relationship Duo had found himself trapped in. And then…he'd seen the American walking up the street, muttering to himself and he'd stepped right back into Wufei's life as they fell instep alongside each other.

            And Duo said he loved him. Wufei could still remember the ecstatic joy that had filled him that first day when Duo had admitted he loved him. But…it seemed Wufei could never compare to Heero in Duo's mind.

            So Wufei asked him,

            "Duo…why do you keep loving him? I don't understand!"

::And I don't understand

How the touch of your hand

I would be the first to fall

I miss the little things

Oh, I miss everything::

            Duo looked up startled, "Loving who? *You*?"

            "No. Him. *Heero*," Wufei replied with great emphasis on Heero's name. "What has he done for you that's endeared him so to you?"

            "'Fei…are you jealous?" Duo asked, a glint of mischief dawning in his eyes.

            "Of course," Wufei answered bluntly. "Dammit Duo, he's *all* you talk about! Whenever we talk about anything to do with the past, its *him* that always comes up! And I see the look on your face when you wake up and see me…instead of him…" Wufei's voice broke and he looked away, afraid to meet Duo's eyes.

            "Have I told you exactly how it was with me and Heero?" Duo asked slowly.

            "Many times. How he was *sweet* and *affectionate* and *gentle*," Wufei spat out, tears of hurt beginning to prick behind his eyes.

            "No…you've only listened to half of it. That's how it was in the beginning," Duo explained quietly. "But after the war…I don't know what happened to him…but he changed. He hurt me, verbally and physically. And I hated him. But I didn't want to leave him because I kept hoping he would change back. But of course, he didn't. So…I left…" Duo looked up and smiled faintly. "The funny thing is, every time I let him hit me or call me names, I kept thinking 'what would Wufei think of me'? I kept wondering what you would do if you saw me letting myself take that crap from him…you would call me weak and tell me I wasn't half the man you thought I was. Wufei, it was *you* that made me leave him in the end. And it was *you* that changed my whole outlook on life. It was *you* that showed me how to love…Wufei, I *love* you!"

            Wufei paused and gazed down on the emotional youth beside him. "Duo…" the name caught in his throat, "I love you. But…"

            "But what?" Duo sniffled and without a second thought, wiped his nose on his sleeve. "What is it?"

            Wufei laughed softly at him, "I don't know."

            Duo smiled tremblingly as he was embraced by the Chinese youth. As their lips met, it didn't matter what Wufei didn't know.

            It didn't matter at all.

::It doesn't mean much

It doesn't mean anything at all

The life I left behind me

Is a cold room::

            "I don't have anything to give you," Duo told Wufei much as he had on their first revelation of love, "but love."

            "That's all I want, " Wufei promised, kissing him softly.

            "I don't have anything to give you," Duo repeated. "But myself."

            "*You* are all I want," Wufei told him, his eyes glowing with love and affection as he kissed the American again and again. "All I want I've got right here in *you*."

            Duo only shook his head and told Wufei that he was crazy as tears streamed down his face and he surrounded himself heart, body and soul into this man who changed his life.

            And taught him to love.

::Sweet surrender

Is all I have to give

Sweet surrender

Is all I have to give::

::End::


End file.
